I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
