This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
