Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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