I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
