I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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