I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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