this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
