my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
