Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
