He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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