I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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