How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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