Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
