"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
