Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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