I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
