i think my mom watched the whole time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
