READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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