We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
