she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
