I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
