I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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