One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
