We won't sleep together?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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