"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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