Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
