Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
