Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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