i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
