Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
