Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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