i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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