I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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