Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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