Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
