I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
