I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
