My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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