a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
