Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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