just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
