He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
