Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
