he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
