i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize