He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
