dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
