she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
