I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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