I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize