also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
