Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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