I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
