Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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