So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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