I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am naked and annoyed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
