Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
