if we break up, who will get the dealer?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
