dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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