i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
