This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
