I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
