just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
