Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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