Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
