you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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