hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
