What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
