i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
