Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
