I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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